I've never gotten bumper stickers. Why in the world would you want to paste something on the outside of your car? As if your car didn't depreciate enough when you drove it off the car lot, you're going to plaster the back of it with pithy little sayings that tell the world more about you than really should be told?
Yesterday I was driving along the idyllic streets of Langhorne when I started reading the one on the car in front of me. (Here's where I admit they do help pass the time when waiting at a red light.) But this one...did I just read what I thought I read?
No lie...here's what I read, "The reason I'm going so fast is that I really need to get home to poop." Um...what? Who on earth would put that on the back of your car? Did it have a little pile of poop next to the sentence? Yes...yes it did. And the kicker? The little metal thing that holds your license plate in place read, "The Holy Bible is the literal Word of God." Truly.
Do I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God? You bet. Would I put a bumper sticker referring to bowel movements next to said statement of my personal theology? Uh...no. Just wondering what would make someone do that.
Of course not all bumper stickers make me scratch my head. Some are down right funny. And the funniest one I've ever seen? A few years ago I was driving back to work from my lunch break (why yes...I probably was coming back from McDonald's) and I was stopped at a red light behind this huge pickup truck. The kind of truck you usually find on the rural streets of good ol' Ohio...not necessarily the East Coast. Not a slam on Ohio...just stating fact. Anyway, I see proudly displayed the round sticker of the NRA. And right next to it? A sticker for PETA. Yeah...me too. Just didn't go together. I remember thinking how in the world would an NRA member also be a member of PETA?
As I crept slowly closer to the back of the truck, I saw that PETA did not in fact, stand for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. On this particular jacked-up pick-up truck PETA stood for People for the Eating of Tasty Animals. Still makes me laugh, years later.
How about you? What's the funniest bumper sticker you've ever seen?
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Girl Talk, Zip Lines, and Mannequin Heads
Got back yesterday afternoon from a weekend away with the girls at a women's retreat down at Sandy Cove, Maryland. Such a good time! Truly, I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long. My Top 5 Moments...
1. The Diana Exhibit in Philadelphia.
On the way down Beth, Kristi, and I stopped at the Constitution Center where a traveling exhibit on Princess Diana had it's opening day. (Why an exhibit on Diana at the Constitution Center, I don't know...) For those of you've who've stuck around since my blogging days in Sydney...yes, this is the same exhibit I saw at a museum down there. Still lovin' the up close and personal with the wedding dress.
2. Girl Talk
Starting in the car on the way down I-95 and continuing for the next two days, I believe most every topic imaginable was covered at some point during the weekend. I'm still laughing at the So You Think You Can Dance Tour story at the Italian place for dinner. Friday night back in the room-me, Beth, Kristi, and Aimee till 1:00 in the am...
3. The Zip Line
Those who know me, know that I don't do heights. I usually stay off of most roller coasters and don't even give ferris wheels a second glance. Lucky me, the girls wanted to do the zip line Saturday afternoon after our morning sessions and lunch. I figured I'd chat away with them while I stayed in line and then before I had to step into the harness, I'd tell them I had decided not to do it (they all knew that I was waffling back and forth). I had even picked out the tree where I would stand in the shade so I could watch all of them. But...peer pressure is a very real and insidious thing. The next thing I knew, I was in the harness, my helmet on, and I was very slowly climbing a 40 foot telephone poll up to the wooden platform. My heart was pounding furiously and I was flat out terrified. Ah...but the girls...the girls were cheering me on. And knowing there was no other way down but to jump into the nothingness (and after I could finally pry my hand off of the metal grip on the telephone poll)...I did it. I wouldn't do it again, but I did it. Yeah for me.
4. The Mannequin Head
Saturday night found me, Beth, Aimee, and Maria in our room watching Terri cut Kristi's hair. Terri has recently begun beauty school and I'm telling you...after three weeks if she can cut hair like that, she's gonna be in high demand once she graduates. She brought in her huge bag from school with all of her equipment...which included three mannquin heads that are used to practice cutting and styling hair. Two women and a man. The man has flowing brown locks with a full mustache and beard. Picture a flannel-graph Jesus from your childhood Sunday School lessons. It began with laying his head on Aimee's pillow and stuffing pillows under the covers while she was out of the room for a minute. It escalated to Kristi running it across the hall and doing the same with Marcy's bed while she was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. We waited in the hallway. The shriek/wail that came out of Marcy's mouth after she turned the corner from the bathroom...priceless. Have you ever laughed so hard for so long that your cheeks just hurt? Do I need to mention that by this time it was getting a little later in the night?
5. Makeovers
Who knew that an eyelash curler is just plain magic for your eyes? The night continued on with some makeovers. We felt like we were 14 again and on one big sleepover.
So much fun. And of course, the sessions were good as well. Convicting stuff. Jesus showing obedience through His suffering. How can I not show mercy to other people when I stop and think about how much mercy has been shown to me? The example of Christ's humility in Philippians 2. Lots to continue to think about. Just love girl's weekends away...
1. The Diana Exhibit in Philadelphia.
On the way down Beth, Kristi, and I stopped at the Constitution Center where a traveling exhibit on Princess Diana had it's opening day. (Why an exhibit on Diana at the Constitution Center, I don't know...) For those of you've who've stuck around since my blogging days in Sydney...yes, this is the same exhibit I saw at a museum down there. Still lovin' the up close and personal with the wedding dress.
2. Girl Talk
Starting in the car on the way down I-95 and continuing for the next two days, I believe most every topic imaginable was covered at some point during the weekend. I'm still laughing at the So You Think You Can Dance Tour story at the Italian place for dinner. Friday night back in the room-me, Beth, Kristi, and Aimee till 1:00 in the am...
3. The Zip Line
Those who know me, know that I don't do heights. I usually stay off of most roller coasters and don't even give ferris wheels a second glance. Lucky me, the girls wanted to do the zip line Saturday afternoon after our morning sessions and lunch. I figured I'd chat away with them while I stayed in line and then before I had to step into the harness, I'd tell them I had decided not to do it (they all knew that I was waffling back and forth). I had even picked out the tree where I would stand in the shade so I could watch all of them. But...peer pressure is a very real and insidious thing. The next thing I knew, I was in the harness, my helmet on, and I was very slowly climbing a 40 foot telephone poll up to the wooden platform. My heart was pounding furiously and I was flat out terrified. Ah...but the girls...the girls were cheering me on. And knowing there was no other way down but to jump into the nothingness (and after I could finally pry my hand off of the metal grip on the telephone poll)...I did it. I wouldn't do it again, but I did it. Yeah for me.
4. The Mannequin Head
Saturday night found me, Beth, Aimee, and Maria in our room watching Terri cut Kristi's hair. Terri has recently begun beauty school and I'm telling you...after three weeks if she can cut hair like that, she's gonna be in high demand once she graduates. She brought in her huge bag from school with all of her equipment...which included three mannquin heads that are used to practice cutting and styling hair. Two women and a man. The man has flowing brown locks with a full mustache and beard. Picture a flannel-graph Jesus from your childhood Sunday School lessons. It began with laying his head on Aimee's pillow and stuffing pillows under the covers while she was out of the room for a minute. It escalated to Kristi running it across the hall and doing the same with Marcy's bed while she was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. We waited in the hallway. The shriek/wail that came out of Marcy's mouth after she turned the corner from the bathroom...priceless. Have you ever laughed so hard for so long that your cheeks just hurt? Do I need to mention that by this time it was getting a little later in the night?
5. Makeovers
Who knew that an eyelash curler is just plain magic for your eyes? The night continued on with some makeovers. We felt like we were 14 again and on one big sleepover.
So much fun. And of course, the sessions were good as well. Convicting stuff. Jesus showing obedience through His suffering. How can I not show mercy to other people when I stop and think about how much mercy has been shown to me? The example of Christ's humility in Philippians 2. Lots to continue to think about. Just love girl's weekends away...
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Happy Birthday to My Boo
*Disclaimer here...Phil is not my boo. I think the phrase "my boo" is the one of the funniest things I've ever heard. (Really...who calls someone their boo?) It makes me laugh out loud when I hear the phrase "my boo" and that's why I wrote it here. Because Phil makes me laugh out loud. Like the time when I told him we just found out at work that we got our annual 2% raise and he replied (in a rather patronizing tone), "Aw...that's great. Now you can supersize your lunch with all that extra money they're paying you." (That's for you too, Joan, since I know that one makes you laugh out loud too.) And not just funny, but just plain fun. So Phil...in honor of your birthday (which now means we are exactly the same age so no more jokes about how I'm a shameless cradle robber...seriously...three months) I give you my
"Oh, The Places I Will Go (Because I'm With Phil) List"
1. Killington, Vermont...where we skied "The Juggernaut"
Did I know "The Juggernaut" was a 10 mile cross-country/slight downhill trek before I agreed to do it? No...no, I did not.
2. The Caribbean
Snorkeling off Cancun (after an, ahem, harrowing ride in the small, orange boat), walking up Dunn's River Falls in Ocho Rios, parasailing in Grand Cayman (well...you, not me), Atlantis, the cruise ship where you remained calm at the blackjack table while I felt like throwing up on my shoes after what I thought was a 25 cent slot machine was actually a $25 dollar slot machine...but then made your jaw drop after I moved on to a nickel slot with my remaining $2 and won a whopping $250 dollar jackpot!! (and thus ending my night in the casino)
3. Disneyworld, Disneyland, and Tokyo Disney
So. Much. Fun.
4. Hawaii
The cruise around the islands. Driving the mud buggies in Kauai and getting mud uh, everywhere. Watching the sunrise over the Haleakala volcano crater. Touring Pearl Harbor.
5. Sydney, Australia
For a whole year...seriously, who would've thought?
6. The Great Barrier Reef
Me snorkeling and you scuba diving.
7. Chesapeake City, Maryland
Taking the boat with Rob and Faith on an overnight trip in waters that I would never believe could be so rough. So much up-chucking in such a small amount of time. I don't think Faith has been on the boat since...
8. Baltimore, Maryland
Exploring the Inner Harbor for an anniversary away. The aquarium, Ft. McHenry, water taxi rides, etc.
9. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Fireworks on the beach may sound like a romantic thought, but not when they are actual fireworks and instead of heading out over the water they turn 180 degrees and zone in on the beach house next door like a heat-seeking missile and explode in a burst of brilliant color about two feet from the big bay window. We laugh now, but I think that's the first time I almost wet my pants as an adult.
10. Falling Water, somewhere in Western PA
We go to check out the famous house designed by Frank Lloyd Wright and who do we see walking along the path next to us after just having toured it? That's right...Tom Hanks and Ron Howard. My first real celebrity sighting...
11. The New York Stock Exchange floor
Yep...put the required jacket on me (because you can't be on the floor of the exchange without wearing one), and you and Mark gave me a personal tour around the floor. The shouting, the little papers flying, the hand signals...so cool.
12. The White House
Of course you knew someone who's brother worked for the National Security Administration and could give us a private tour of the White House. Pictures on the lawn, in the Rose Garden, in the Press Room behind the presidential lecturn...And all while George W. Bush was in office...the icing on the cake!
13. New Zealand
Riding horses up the side of the mountain (gulp) in Hanmer Springs. Archery. The hot springs. Freezing in the blizzard room at the Antarctic Exploration Center. Watching the Phillies beat the Rays at the sports bar in Christchurch last season.
14. Singapore
Eating Spanish tapas along that river that was all lit up with lights. Street luge rides in Sentosa.
The charging monkeys on the well, monkey bars behind that old British fort. The smells, ah the smells.
15. Bin Tam, Indonesia
Watching the dragonboat races. And...oh, yeah...that's all we did because we just wanted to take the ferry to get out of there. :)
16. Paris
Boat ride on the Seine. Fondue with Mark and Janelle. Wallet stolen on the metro. Morning with the police about said wallet. Forget the wallet...remember the crepes. Montmartre. Eiffel Tower. Arc de Triomphe.
17. London
Madame Tussaud's wax museum (spot on with your impersonation of the Dali Lama, I might add). Buckingham Palace. Houses of Parliament. Westminster Abbey. The London Eye. Tour on the red, double-decker bus. 10 Downing Street. The Cabinet War Rooms. The British Museum. The Tower of London. The boat ride down the Thames. Ah...and "Wicked". And "Stomp". and most recently, "Hairspray".
18. Speaking of Musicals...
"Lion King" in Boston. "Phantom of the Opera" and "Les Miserables" in Philly. "Fiddler On the Roof" in New York. (and here's where I forgive you for falling asleep three times during Fiddler. I know it's enough that you were at least there.)
19. Ocean City, New Jersey
Flying the plane over there for lunch and a walk on the boardwalk was a perfect way to say goodbye to the summer. (As long as I kept looking at the horizon and not straight down so I didn't hurl on our way down like I did the last time we did that.)
20. Golf Courses
Me, golf? Right. No...you hit the links and I take my book to read while you're on the links and then once you hop on, I hit the pedal on the cart to whiz us over to the next hole. Does everyone know how fun it is to drive a golf cart?
And that is just one of the reasons why I love you. (Besides all the laughing.) You make me take my nose out of my books and really see what is around me. No matter where we end up. So here's to another year together...Happy Birthday! (my boo) Hee hee...see, it's just such a funny thing to say.
"Oh, The Places I Will Go (Because I'm With Phil) List"
1. Killington, Vermont...where we skied "The Juggernaut"
Did I know "The Juggernaut" was a 10 mile cross-country/slight downhill trek before I agreed to do it? No...no, I did not.
2. The Caribbean
Snorkeling off Cancun (after an, ahem, harrowing ride in the small, orange boat), walking up Dunn's River Falls in Ocho Rios, parasailing in Grand Cayman (well...you, not me), Atlantis, the cruise ship where you remained calm at the blackjack table while I felt like throwing up on my shoes after what I thought was a 25 cent slot machine was actually a $25 dollar slot machine...but then made your jaw drop after I moved on to a nickel slot with my remaining $2 and won a whopping $250 dollar jackpot!! (and thus ending my night in the casino)
3. Disneyworld, Disneyland, and Tokyo Disney
So. Much. Fun.
4. Hawaii
The cruise around the islands. Driving the mud buggies in Kauai and getting mud uh, everywhere. Watching the sunrise over the Haleakala volcano crater. Touring Pearl Harbor.
5. Sydney, Australia
For a whole year...seriously, who would've thought?
6. The Great Barrier Reef
Me snorkeling and you scuba diving.
7. Chesapeake City, Maryland
Taking the boat with Rob and Faith on an overnight trip in waters that I would never believe could be so rough. So much up-chucking in such a small amount of time. I don't think Faith has been on the boat since...
8. Baltimore, Maryland
Exploring the Inner Harbor for an anniversary away. The aquarium, Ft. McHenry, water taxi rides, etc.
9. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Fireworks on the beach may sound like a romantic thought, but not when they are actual fireworks and instead of heading out over the water they turn 180 degrees and zone in on the beach house next door like a heat-seeking missile and explode in a burst of brilliant color about two feet from the big bay window. We laugh now, but I think that's the first time I almost wet my pants as an adult.
10. Falling Water, somewhere in Western PA
We go to check out the famous house designed by Frank Lloyd Wright and who do we see walking along the path next to us after just having toured it? That's right...Tom Hanks and Ron Howard. My first real celebrity sighting...
11. The New York Stock Exchange floor
Yep...put the required jacket on me (because you can't be on the floor of the exchange without wearing one), and you and Mark gave me a personal tour around the floor. The shouting, the little papers flying, the hand signals...so cool.
12. The White House
Of course you knew someone who's brother worked for the National Security Administration and could give us a private tour of the White House. Pictures on the lawn, in the Rose Garden, in the Press Room behind the presidential lecturn...And all while George W. Bush was in office...the icing on the cake!
13. New Zealand
Riding horses up the side of the mountain (gulp) in Hanmer Springs. Archery. The hot springs. Freezing in the blizzard room at the Antarctic Exploration Center. Watching the Phillies beat the Rays at the sports bar in Christchurch last season.
14. Singapore
Eating Spanish tapas along that river that was all lit up with lights. Street luge rides in Sentosa.
The charging monkeys on the well, monkey bars behind that old British fort. The smells, ah the smells.
15. Bin Tam, Indonesia
Watching the dragonboat races. And...oh, yeah...that's all we did because we just wanted to take the ferry to get out of there. :)
16. Paris
Boat ride on the Seine. Fondue with Mark and Janelle. Wallet stolen on the metro. Morning with the police about said wallet. Forget the wallet...remember the crepes. Montmartre. Eiffel Tower. Arc de Triomphe.
17. London
Madame Tussaud's wax museum (spot on with your impersonation of the Dali Lama, I might add). Buckingham Palace. Houses of Parliament. Westminster Abbey. The London Eye. Tour on the red, double-decker bus. 10 Downing Street. The Cabinet War Rooms. The British Museum. The Tower of London. The boat ride down the Thames. Ah...and "Wicked". And "Stomp". and most recently, "Hairspray".
18. Speaking of Musicals...
"Lion King" in Boston. "Phantom of the Opera" and "Les Miserables" in Philly. "Fiddler On the Roof" in New York. (and here's where I forgive you for falling asleep three times during Fiddler. I know it's enough that you were at least there.)
19. Ocean City, New Jersey
Flying the plane over there for lunch and a walk on the boardwalk was a perfect way to say goodbye to the summer. (As long as I kept looking at the horizon and not straight down so I didn't hurl on our way down like I did the last time we did that.)
20. Golf Courses
Me, golf? Right. No...you hit the links and I take my book to read while you're on the links and then once you hop on, I hit the pedal on the cart to whiz us over to the next hole. Does everyone know how fun it is to drive a golf cart?
And that is just one of the reasons why I love you. (Besides all the laughing.) You make me take my nose out of my books and really see what is around me. No matter where we end up. So here's to another year together...Happy Birthday! (my boo) Hee hee...see, it's just such a funny thing to say.
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