What's With the Bumper Sticker?

I've never gotten bumper stickers. Why in the world would you want to paste something on the outside of your car? As if your car didn't depreciate enough when you drove it off the car lot, you're going to plaster the back of it with pithy little sayings that tell the world more about you than really should be told?
Yesterday I was driving along the idyllic streets of Langhorne when I started reading the one on the car in front of me. (Here's where I admit they do help pass the time when waiting at a red light.) But this one...did I just read what I thought I read?
No lie...here's what I read, "The reason I'm going so fast is that I really need to get home to poop." Um...what? Who on earth would put that on the back of your car? Did it have a little pile of poop next to the sentence? Yes...yes it did. And the kicker? The little metal thing that holds your license plate in place read, "The Holy Bible is the literal Word of God." Truly.
Do I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God? You bet. Would I put a bumper sticker referring to bowel movements next to said statement of my personal theology? Uh...no. Just wondering what would make someone do that.
Of course not all bumper stickers make me scratch my head. Some are down right funny. And the funniest one I've ever seen? A few years ago I was driving back to work from my lunch break (why yes...I probably was coming back from McDonald's) and I was stopped at a red light behind this huge pickup truck. The kind of truck you usually find on the rural streets of good ol' Ohio...not necessarily the East Coast. Not a slam on Ohio...just stating fact. Anyway, I see proudly displayed the round sticker of the NRA. And right next to it? A sticker for PETA. Yeah...me too. Just didn't go together. I remember thinking how in the world would an NRA member also be a member of PETA?
As I crept slowly closer to the back of the truck, I saw that PETA did not in fact, stand for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. On this particular jacked-up pick-up truck PETA stood for People for the Eating of Tasty Animals. Still makes me laugh, years later.
How about you? What's the funniest bumper sticker you've ever seen?

Girl Talk, Zip Lines, and Mannequin Heads

Got back yesterday afternoon from a weekend away with the girls at a women's retreat down at Sandy Cove, Maryland. Such a good time! Truly, I haven't laughed that hard in I don't know how long. My Top 5 Moments...

1. The Diana Exhibit in Philadelphia.
On the way down Beth, Kristi, and I stopped at the Constitution Center where a traveling exhibit on Princess Diana had it's opening day. (Why an exhibit on Diana at the Constitution Center, I don't know...) For those of you've who've stuck around since my blogging days in Sydney...yes, this is the same exhibit I saw at a museum down there. Still lovin' the up close and personal with the wedding dress.

2. Girl Talk
Starting in the car on the way down I-95 and continuing for the next two days, I believe most every topic imaginable was covered at some point during the weekend. I'm still laughing at the So You Think You Can Dance Tour story at the Italian place for dinner. Friday night back in the room-me, Beth, Kristi, and Aimee till 1:00 in the am...

3. The Zip Line
Those who know me, know that I don't do heights. I usually stay off of most roller coasters and don't even give ferris wheels a second glance. Lucky me, the girls wanted to do the zip line Saturday afternoon after our morning sessions and lunch. I figured I'd chat away with them while I stayed in line and then before I had to step into the harness, I'd tell them I had decided not to do it (they all knew that I was waffling back and forth). I had even picked out the tree where I would stand in the shade so I could watch all of them. But...peer pressure is a very real and insidious thing. The next thing I knew, I was in the harness, my helmet on, and I was very slowly climbing a 40 foot telephone poll up to the wooden platform. My heart was pounding furiously and I was flat out terrified. Ah...but the girls...the girls were cheering me on. And knowing there was no other way down but to jump into the nothingness (and after I could finally pry my hand off of the metal grip on the telephone poll)...I did it. I wouldn't do it again, but I did it. Yeah for me.

4. The Mannequin Head
Saturday night found me, Beth, Aimee, and Maria in our room watching Terri cut Kristi's hair. Terri has recently begun beauty school and I'm telling you...after three weeks if she can cut hair like that, she's gonna be in high demand once she graduates. She brought in her huge bag from school with all of her equipment...which included three mannquin heads that are used to practice cutting and styling hair. Two women and a man. The man has flowing brown locks with a full mustache and beard. Picture a flannel-graph Jesus from your childhood Sunday School lessons. It began with laying his head on Aimee's pillow and stuffing pillows under the covers while she was out of the room for a minute. It escalated to Kristi running it across the hall and doing the same with Marcy's bed while she was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. We waited in the hallway. The shriek/wail that came out of Marcy's mouth after she turned the corner from the bathroom...priceless. Have you ever laughed so hard for so long that your cheeks just hurt? Do I need to mention that by this time it was getting a little later in the night?

5. Makeovers
Who knew that an eyelash curler is just plain magic for your eyes? The night continued on with some makeovers. We felt like we were 14 again and on one big sleepover.

So much fun. And of course, the sessions were good as well. Convicting stuff. Jesus showing obedience through His suffering. How can I not show mercy to other people when I stop and think about how much mercy has been shown to me? The example of Christ's humility in Philippians 2. Lots to continue to think about. Just love girl's weekends away...

Happy Birthday to My Boo

*Disclaimer here...Phil is not my boo. I think the phrase "my boo" is the one of the funniest things I've ever heard. (Really...who calls someone their boo?) It makes me laugh out loud when I hear the phrase "my boo" and that's why I wrote it here. Because Phil makes me laugh out loud. Like the time when I told him we just found out at work that we got our annual 2% raise and he replied (in a rather patronizing tone), "Aw...that's great. Now you can supersize your lunch with all that extra money they're paying you." (That's for you too, Joan, since I know that one makes you laugh out loud too.) And not just funny, but just plain fun. So Phil...in honor of your birthday (which now means we are exactly the same age so no more jokes about how I'm a shameless cradle robber...seriously...three months) I give you my

"Oh, The Places I Will Go (Because I'm With Phil) List"

1. Killington, Vermont...where we skied "The Juggernaut"
Did I know "The Juggernaut" was a 10 mile cross-country/slight downhill trek before I agreed to do it? No...no, I did not.

2. The Caribbean
Snorkeling off Cancun (after an, ahem, harrowing ride in the small, orange boat), walking up Dunn's River Falls in Ocho Rios, parasailing in Grand Cayman (well...you, not me), Atlantis, the cruise ship where you remained calm at the blackjack table while I felt like throwing up on my shoes after what I thought was a 25 cent slot machine was actually a $25 dollar slot machine...but then made your jaw drop after I moved on to a nickel slot with my remaining $2 and won a whopping $250 dollar jackpot!! (and thus ending my night in the casino)

3. Disneyworld, Disneyland, and Tokyo Disney
So. Much. Fun.

4. Hawaii
The cruise around the islands. Driving the mud buggies in Kauai and getting mud uh, everywhere. Watching the sunrise over the Haleakala volcano crater. Touring Pearl Harbor.

5. Sydney, Australia
For a whole year...seriously, who would've thought?

6. The Great Barrier Reef
Me snorkeling and you scuba diving.

7. Chesapeake City, Maryland
Taking the boat with Rob and Faith on an overnight trip in waters that I would never believe could be so rough. So much up-chucking in such a small amount of time. I don't think Faith has been on the boat since...

8. Baltimore, Maryland
Exploring the Inner Harbor for an anniversary away. The aquarium, Ft. McHenry, water taxi rides, etc.

9. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Fireworks on the beach may sound like a romantic thought, but not when they are actual fireworks and instead of heading out over the water they turn 180 degrees and zone in on the beach house next door like a heat-seeking missile and explode in a burst of brilliant color about two feet from the big bay window. We laugh now, but I think that's the first time I almost wet my pants as an adult.

10. Falling Water, somewhere in Western PA
We go to check out the famous house designed by Frank Lloyd Wright and who do we see walking along the path next to us after just having toured it? That's right...Tom Hanks and Ron Howard. My first real celebrity sighting...

11. The New York Stock Exchange floor
Yep...put the required jacket on me (because you can't be on the floor of the exchange without wearing one), and you and Mark gave me a personal tour around the floor. The shouting, the little papers flying, the hand signals...so cool.

12. The White House
Of course you knew someone who's brother worked for the National Security Administration and could give us a private tour of the White House. Pictures on the lawn, in the Rose Garden, in the Press Room behind the presidential lecturn...And all while George W. Bush was in office...the icing on the cake!

13. New Zealand
Riding horses up the side of the mountain (gulp) in Hanmer Springs. Archery. The hot springs. Freezing in the blizzard room at the Antarctic Exploration Center. Watching the Phillies beat the Rays at the sports bar in Christchurch last season.

14. Singapore
Eating Spanish tapas along that river that was all lit up with lights. Street luge rides in Sentosa.
The charging monkeys on the well, monkey bars behind that old British fort. The smells, ah the smells.

15. Bin Tam, Indonesia
Watching the dragonboat races. And...oh, yeah...that's all we did because we just wanted to take the ferry to get out of there. :)

16. Paris
Boat ride on the Seine. Fondue with Mark and Janelle. Wallet stolen on the metro. Morning with the police about said wallet. Forget the wallet...remember the crepes. Montmartre. Eiffel Tower. Arc de Triomphe.

17. London
Madame Tussaud's wax museum (spot on with your impersonation of the Dali Lama, I might add). Buckingham Palace. Houses of Parliament. Westminster Abbey. The London Eye. Tour on the red, double-decker bus. 10 Downing Street. The Cabinet War Rooms. The British Museum. The Tower of London. The boat ride down the Thames. Ah...and "Wicked". And "Stomp". and most recently, "Hairspray".

18. Speaking of Musicals...
"Lion King" in Boston. "Phantom of the Opera" and "Les Miserables" in Philly. "Fiddler On the Roof" in New York. (and here's where I forgive you for falling asleep three times during Fiddler. I know it's enough that you were at least there.)

19. Ocean City, New Jersey
Flying the plane over there for lunch and a walk on the boardwalk was a perfect way to say goodbye to the summer. (As long as I kept looking at the horizon and not straight down so I didn't hurl on our way down like I did the last time we did that.)

20. Golf Courses
Me, golf? Right. No...you hit the links and I take my book to read while you're on the links and then once you hop on, I hit the pedal on the cart to whiz us over to the next hole. Does everyone know how fun it is to drive a golf cart?

And that is just one of the reasons why I love you. (Besides all the laughing.) You make me take my nose out of my books and really see what is around me. No matter where we end up. So here's to another year together...Happy Birthday! (my boo) Hee hee...see, it's just such a funny thing to say.

London...Finally

Sorry about the wait. I know you were on the edge of your seat with baited breath waiting to hear the next installment of my adventures overseas. I know...but indulge me.

I flew overnight (Gotta love trying to sleep while sitting straight up in coach...afraid my trips to Sydney in business class have ruined me forever) and arrived at Heathrow a little after 11:00 the next morning. I made my way to the Heathrow Express train that would take me to Paddington Station where I was to meet up with Phil.

And how did my weekend start out with a bang? I got on the train intending to pay my ticket (19.00 one way!) once I was on the train. The man taking the tickets said he'd be back to collect my money. As we were getting off at Paddington (and still having never given my money to the guy) I noticed him coming back up the aisle. I stopped him and told him I never paid and his response? "Consider it your welcome to London," he said with a wink. Nice...welcome indeed!

After meeting up with Phil, we took a cab back to the apartment to leave my suitcase there. Going on along the banks of the Thames River that weekend was The Mayor's Festival, a gathering of small booths of crafts, food and live music. Sort of interesting but oh, so crowded. And if you know me at all...I hate crowds. We walked for awhile and then Phil thankfully suggested walking up to Leicester Square to the half price ticket booth to see if there were any seats still left for any shows that night.

So where did we find ourselves after a dinner of some good pizza? Sitting at a theater getting ready for the musical "Hairspray" to start! That's right...Phil agreed to see a musical. And what a fabulous show! Ah...the singing, the dancing...And the best quote of the night as we were walking back to the tube station to go home? And I quote Phil here, "That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be." I can feel him coming over to the dark side...

The next day we woke up and decided to take the tube to the British Museum for the day. It's a free museum that has thousands of well...old stuff. Exhibits on Africa, Ancient Egypt (thought of you, Claire, while looking at all the mummies), Ancient Greece and Rome, Medieval Europe, and the Middle East. Pretty cool. And what can I check off my list as having now seen it? (Well, it wasn't really on my list, but I do vaguely remember hearing about it in school at some point.) I give you...The Rosetta Stone.

A stone with a bunch of writing on it that unlocked the mysteries of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. All in all, a neat museum. Interested in more...check out www.britishmusem.org

Monday morning began with Phil going off to work and me starting out on my day of exploring. And where did I end up? I took the tube to Victoria Station and walked up to fabulous Buckingham Palace. I saw the traveling exhibit of Princess Diana's dresses while at a museum in Sydney so I could not pass the chance to actually get into the palace to have a look around. Apparently every year between the end of July and the end of September the Queen leaves the palace to go...I really have no idea but the fact of the matter was, she isn't there so they open the palace for tours. Free, you ask? Uh...right. 16.50 later and armed with my "free" headset guide, I was off. You can go at your own pace through the 20 rooms they have designated for the tour and did I ever make the most of the opportunity.

Let's just say here that the Queen does not live in a shabby place. I'm telling you...I have never seen anything like it. Absolutely stunning, opulent, over the top, etc. There was also an exhibit of the Queen's dresses from different overseas tours that she has done in the sixty years since naming the countries of the British commonwealth. Not quite like Diana's wedding dress, but definitely a close second. The tour ends in the garden which you walk through until you're escorted out of the back gate. (Of course after you walk through the palace gift shop. Truly...there's a palace gift shop. And yes...I did add another Christmas ornament to my collection of places we've been.) Alas...the garden was the only place you could take pictures. As soon as I can get them from the camera still in London, I'll post.

After my tour of Buckingham Palace, I walked through St. James' Park, took some outside pictures of Churchill's The Cabinet War Rooms Museum (by the way...one of the best museums I've ever been in!), the Prime Minister's house at 10 Downing St. (actually a picture of the huge iron gates and weapons-armed guards that guard his place), Westminster Abbey, the Houses of Parliament, and the London Eye ferris wheel. Of course I was hungry after all this walking and tourisming so where did I stop to eat? Of course, McDonald's. Oh yeah...I'm still lovin' it.

And would you believe my luck? The Houses of Parliament were also opened for tours since the members were gone for the summer, so I got in on a tour of that as well. Fantastic! The House of Lords, the gold throne that the Queen sits on when she opens Parliament every year, the House of Commons...all of it, so darn interesting.

Tuesday morning found me saying goodbye to Phil :( at the tube station while he went on to work and I hopped on the tube to find my way back to Paddington Station and then back on the Heathrow Express to get back to the airport. Can we say a little crowded at rush hour? Can we say I was standing up not holding on to any part of the subway because we were so packed in like sardines that I didn't need to hold on to anything because none of us could move? Can we say hurray for fresh breath and deoderant when forced to stand so close to a perfect stranger?

Can we say how awkward it feels to be staring at said perfect stranger when your faces are three inches from each other?

All in all such a great long weekend. And capped off by a seat in business (was less miles than purchasing a seat in coach...whoo hoo) for the flight back home where I could watch The Proposal on my own little tv screen. And an episode of America's Next Top Model. And an episode of Trading Spaces. And an episode of Peter Perfect Design Show. And The Proposal again. And three sets on my ipod. And several chapters in my book And...(it's no flight to Sydney, but 8 hours is still a long to be on a plane...)

Seriously...Who Buys This Stuff? Sky Mall Edition

I'm back from London. Such a great weekend! I'm holding off a bit on posting about the actual trip because I need to see if Phil can email me the pictures I took (and left on the card in the camera that's still in London) to add to the post. A sneak peak...a musical, some seriously old stuff, a big stone, two fantastic tours, and making my way on the tube. More to follow.

But today...some musings regarding the Sky Mall magazine. I've spent quite a bit of time on planes in the past two years and always pick up a Sky Mall to pass some time. Listed below is my list I call, "Seriously...Who Buys This Stuff?"

1.Truck Antlers
Weatherproof molded plastic antlers that you attach to the front seat side windows. Really...why would anyone do that?

2. The Indoor Dog Restroom
It's a mat and tray system that lets your dog pee on the mat which allows liquid to drain into the tray below it. Who wants to pick up a 2 feet square tray and carry it over to your toilet to empty? It holds up to two gallons. Uh...eew.

3. The World's Largest Crossword Puzzle
It holds the Guiness World's Record for it's size. It's 7 feet by 7 feet and has 28,000 clues for over 91,000 squares. I'm all for a good crossword now and then, but that's ridiculous. Who clears wall space to hang a 7 ft by 7 ft crossword puzzle?

4. The Talking Timepiece
It's a watch with a "pleasant female voice" that with the push of one button repeats the current time. Maybe I'm not getting it, but can't you just look down and see the time on the watch? Although "you can supplant the female voice with a built-in rooster call". Interesting...

5. The Voice Activated R2D2
It's an actual little robot (a bit over a foot tall) that moves around from room to room. It even "dances while playing the famed cantina music". What every household in America truly needs for a mere $170.00.

6. The Hidden Litter Box
Made to look like a clay pot that holds an artifical plant. You can turn the hole that the cat walks through to face the back of your living room. I think if your cat's litter box is in your living room, there are more serious issues at hand here.

7. Your Passenger Seat Office
A workstation that straps to your car's passenger seat and "provides a non-slip writing surface, hanging file section and space for your laptop and printer." The picture shows a lady with one hand typing on her laptop, the other grabbing a file folder out of the hanging file section, and her cell phone tucked under her cheek while looking at the page coming out of her printer. Again...call me crazy but aren't you actually supposed to be driving when you're behind the wheel of your car?

8. Peanut Butter Maker
"Fill the hopper with your favorite nuts and grind them into smooth or chunky butter." I got to say the picture of carmel-colored goo flowing into the vat below is quite nasty looking.

and finally...my personal favorites...

9. Decorative statues for your backyard garden
"Treebeard Ent with Mystical Orb"- a two foot tall sculpted tree complete with eyes, nose and mouth with limbs holding out a white ball
"Basho the Sumo Wrestler"- also comes with 27" diameter piece of glass to use for a lovely table for your next garden party
"The Dragon of Falkenberg Castle Moat"- 2 foot long dragon complete with scales, wings and a treacherous tail. "Your neighbors will steer clear when they see this intricately sculpted dragon"...yeah, no kidding...you have a dragon statue in your backyard.
"Bigfoot, the Garden Yeti"- with his characteristically huge feet, "you will have your neighbors doing a double-take as they admire your creative home or garden style!" I don't think that's why your neighbors are doing the double-take. You have a statue of Bigfoot in your back yard.

So there you have it. London to soon follow.

Back to London

I'm flying back to London tonight to see Phil for a couple of days. (And yes, I'm sure everything will be fine and good, but I'm not so sure I'd have picked this particular day to fly if I had been aware of the exact date when I booked it.) To be honest, I'm more concerned whether or not someone is going to be sitting right next to me or not on this overnight flight. My dramamine is packed (alright, no...I haven't quite packed yet but it's coming) in order to knock me out as soon as possible, but I have no grand illusions of hours of restful sleep sitting upright in coach. So hopefully the seat next to me is empty and I can stretch out a bit.

No big plans for the weekend yet, but I did note with excitement on the internet yesterday that at the Royal Air Force Museum in North London they're putting on a Battle of Britain Weekend with lots of cool stuff going on. Will Phil relent (he wasn't wild about the idea when I pitched it over the phone yesterday) and decide to take us there? Will we spend a day at Oxford or Cambridge? Maybe Bath? I'll let you know when I get back.

Oh...and Monday when he's at busy at work? I've got my day planned out. I'm spending the day with the Queen. At least at her residence. They open Buckingham Palace up for tours from the end of July through the end of September so I'm going to hop on the tube and go spend the day touring the palace and gardens. Blogs and lots of pictures to follow when I get back, but to hold you over...from when we were in London four years ago.

On to Versailles

One of Phil's co-workers along with his wife and little girl picked us up in the morning and drove us out to Versailles. How to know you're in France? The 15 month old was gnawing on a French baguette for breakfast in her car seat. Very cute. My first impressions of Versailles? Very crowded and ridiculously huge, but a beautiful palace. Here's a view from the front.

And of course, what every king needs at his palace...his own chapel. Although it defeats the purpose when you place your seat at the front of the chapel looking out over the pews so that everyone is staring/singing/praying to you when facing front...

The Hall of Mirrors...

Marie Antoinette's bedroom...again, a bit over the top.

We walked around to the gardens after touring the palace. As if being out in the middle of nowhere wasn't enough for Louis the 14th, he had to add 250 acres of gardens. ponds, and even a canal to his palace. And you wonder why there was a revolution?

After having a nice lunch at a little outdoor cafe somewhere in the maze of the gardens, we drove back to Paris and were dropped off at the last place on my list of places to see, Notre Dame.

We took a taxi back to the hotel (metro? no thanks) and had dinner at The Hard Rock Cafe. Where, I might add, that the servers have obviously been trained on how to work at a restaurant where probably most of the people there aren't from France. They were actually friendly, didn't make you feel like you demanded their first born when you politely asked for the check, and generally didn't look at you like you were the scum on the bottom of their shoe.

After a good night's sleep, Phil walked me over to the bus stop on his way to the office and I hopped on the bus that would take me to Charles de Gaulle. And the sweet ending? It was less dividend miles to get a business class ticket home than a coach seat. Nice. Now where else can I go using the 300,000+ miles that Phil has racked up?